


i am the tin man

by hungryghosts



Category: Chuck (TV)
Genre: Awesome Ladies Ficathon, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-16
Updated: 2011-11-16
Packaged: 2017-10-26 04:03:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/278478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hungryghosts/pseuds/hungryghosts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Sarah's (not Sarah yet, Jenny) eighteen, the CIA takes one look at her and says, "We're going to make you someone new."</p>
            </blockquote>





	i am the tin man

**Author's Note:**

> originally written for the awesome ladies ficathon [here](http://hazyflights.livejournal.com/199061.html?thread=3968917#t3968917). i have no idea where it would fall into canon--maybe around s2?

When Sarah's (not Sarah yet, _Jenny_ ) eighteen, the CIA takes one look at her and says, "We're going to make you someone new."

She's quiet. She's been making herself someone new every couple of years -- breaking herself into little pieces, collecting them like beads on a string. Sometimes it gets confusing. She makes up facts about herself, whichever self she is that time. Jenny doesn't like pizza but she loves chocolate, Stephanie doesn't watch television, Kate wants to go to Paris.

Sam? She doesn't even know what she is anymore.

So she says yes, drops the beads, and becomes someone else.

Sarah Walker loves guns and hates her father.

\----

When Sarah's not yet twenty-four, she meets Bryce. Their first mission is in Paris. She doesn't like him. He's too smug, too smart, and his grin is too charming. But underneath, he's just as thorny as she is.

Kissing him is like pricking a finger, the same as Cinderella and her magic spindle. (Sleeping Beauty, whatever.)

It serves as a reminder: never get too close. She hates that she hears it in her dad's voice.

A couple of months after she starts sleeping with Bryce, they have to pretend they're married.

"So, whaddya say? Do you want to do it?" he asks.

No, not really, she thinks, but she plays along anyways. "Of course," she says. Sarah holds out her hand so he can put on an imaginary engagement ring, and she's a little relieved that any ties they have with each other are simply that -- imaginary, not real, the government will deny they ever existed if they get caught.

When Bryce dies the first time -- well. She's sad, really fucking sad. But she moves on. That's something her father told her too, but it's not his advice she's following this time. It's hers.

\----

When Sarah's twenty-seven, she doesn't wobble in high heels anymore, she knows how to put on concealer, and she's more captivating than Bryce and her father put together.

From the beginning, Chuck never has a chance.

He likes her. He comes by to ask her if she's interested in _Firefly_ marathons or going to the park to play football ("Well, Devon will be playing. I'll probably be the ball.") or having dinner with him and Ellie.

She likes him too. Chuck has a family. Sarah has a gun, a badge, and a fake name.

But he's so intent on pushing at her buttons, as if he could win her at a video game, save her from herself. Maybe she closes herself off more than she should, goes back and forth in her feelings about him, but her confusion is her own comfort.

Sarah's definitely not going to be won and she can save herself, thank you very much.


End file.
